I Used to Have OCD......

then, I had kids.  Seriously, I don't understand how moms with OCD can even function.  I tried for a long time to keep up with my over organizational, super clean ways and then I said *F* it.  OK, maybe the transition wasn't quite that dramatic.

With one child it was easy to keep up.  I had my CD's, movies and books all arranged alphabetically, my house was clean...ah, I could breathe at night when I went to bed.  I felt like super mom because I felt like I looked like Super Mom.  Such a silly thing to strive for. 

And then, well, along came child #2.  In my head I was one of those well put together moms who could keep up with everything but in reality I was exhausted and overwhelmed.  I put on a good show and still made it to play groups on time, carried a well stocked and organized diaper bag and my kids were clean and their clothes matched.  Inside my head though, things were not as calm.  I FREAKED out about my house being a mess, cried over Days of Thunder being after Steel Magnolias on the movie shelf and once stuck my head in the freezer when the baby wouldn't stop crying.

Depression crept in and I can only imagine at least part of the reason was because the OCD beast in me was not being fed.  I held myself to extremely high standards and was failing at every turn.  It took a long time and a lot of soul searching (and medication ;) before I came to this conclusion; they are only little once.  I know, I know, not a huge revelation or anything but bear with me.  They are only little once and I could spend my time stressing out about cleanliness and organization or I could get down on the floor with them and play with moon sand (there will be a seperate post dedicated to moon sand).  I chose, and I think wisely, to be messy.  Sure, there are days.....OK, every day that I worry about what my house looks like, or freak about the mess on the floor of my car but I try to take a deep breath and put things in perspective.

So if you ever dare to come to my house, and I do love company, be warned.  For starters, I may answer the door in my PJ's with my hair sticking in several directions.  There are likely to be stickers of the Dora and Diego variety stuck to my body and I may even have My Little Pony hair clips in my hair.  Second, I won't look happy to see you.  I WILL be happy to see you but inside my head I am running through the list of things I should have been doing instead of being a model at the My Little Pony School of Hair.  Third, you'll walk up the stairs and it will smell like a barn because, well, my apartment used to be a barn.  No joke.  They converted it to an apartment but used some of the wood so sometimes, no matter what I do my home smells like manure.  Fourth, you'll trip over toys strewn all over the living room because my boys hate to play in their own room, you'll struggle to find a place to put your bag on my kitchen table and you'll scream when you think you are being attacked by a small rodent, my dust bunnies are ferocious.  Then, I hope, you'll settle in and enjoy the artwork of my boys hung all over my kitchen, you'll laugh because giggles are contagious and we do a lot of laughing here, and you'll feel at home because you'll know you are a friend and friends mean almost as much to me as my boys.