I Miss Success

I miss being in school.  I was good at school.  Everything was pretty clear cut.  They introduced a topic, I would study hard, they would test me on it and usually I was successful.  In school you are constantly getting feedback; on homework, quizzes and tests, papers, you name it.  Most of the feedback I got was positive because I liked school.  I miss that kind of success and feedback.  No one really prepares you for the loss of that when you grow up and hit the real world.  Sure there are yearly reviews at work but yearly and not daily/weekly feedback is a huge change.  I also found that in the real world people are more likely to give negative feedback more often than positive.  In school your teacher applauds you and congratulates you for an A on a test.  Now, think about it.  Shouldn't you have gotten an A?  Isn't it your job to learn the material and know it?  In the real world though your boss doesn't congratulate you for doing your job, it's simply expected of you.  They will be quick to point out if you aren't doing your job well.

When you are a stay at home mom who is your supervisor?  Who's there to provide feedback and praise?  The kids and boy are they tough to please.  My boys are healthy and happy so I consider it a success but wouldn't it be nice if after a successful try at potty training your child looked at you and said "Job well done mom, that was great!".

My youngest son is a carbivore (and yes, I made that word up :)  We're trying to get him to branch out and try the worlds of *gasp* protein and vegetables.  Every night is like a test I've been cramming for all day.  I carefully select a meal and form my plan of attack to get him to at least try the food.  Some nights are far more a struggle than others (think sobbing, gagging, vomiting, plate throwing and mommy needing to be medicated).The nights that are good are OK.  He'll try the food but still declares he does not like it and every bite is a struggle and usually involves a bribe of some sort (I used to call bribes "rewards" but then I got real).  By the time dinner is over I am exhausted mentally and feeling like such a failure, even when he eats some of it.  For once I would love for him to declare "wow, mommy this is awesome (his favorite word)".  But alas, I am left with a plate of half eaten food where he sits and my brain begins thinking of what I could have done differently from the moment he was conceived.  Clearly I did not eat enough vegetables while I was pregnant, I should have tried to feed him that cat food-esque baby food meat in a jar, I should have insisted earlier he eat more things.  Coulda, shoulda, woulda. 

So yes, I miss success.  I miss school because I was good at it. Sometimes I dream about going back to school, not because I want to learn a new profession or increase my knowledge in my own but simply because I know I will be good at it. I love a challenge and rise to the occasion but sometimes, just sometimes a mommy needs to hear that she rose to the challenge and she succeeded!