Tuesday, January 31, 2012

There Are Days.....

when I just want to crawl back into bed and try for a do-over.  I'm not much of a morning person anymore.  I can't say when that changed but currently I enjoy sleeping (or half sleeping while listening to the kids play) until the last possible second.  Once I get up it's kind of  race to get everything done in time but I do, most of the time, barring unforeseen circumstances, like today.

I didn't want to get up this morning but the dog had other ideas even before the alarm.  So I got up with her and dozed on the couch for a bit more.  Sadie was up, showered, dressed and ready to head out the door when she got a text that her ride to work was out sick.  Ugh.  I was stuck figuring out when I was going to get Sadie to work.  I had to get A to school, Ri to speech and then counseling, there wasn't much wiggle room.  That little bit of stress was enough to set me on edge so I got up and hit the shower.  I had Sadie wake the boys (of course they want to sleep in on a school day) so they could start getting ready.  Apparently the dog got in their room and in her puppy exuberance over seeing them she scratched Ri's arm pretty bad.  Post shower I got to play nurse maid to Ri and convince him he was not dying......cue the moaning from A who insists that HE is dying, is exhausted and cannot get up because he will fall right back down he's so tired.  After several minutes consoling A and checking his temp (nope, no fever) he was on his way to getting ready for school.  Everything was falling into place, we were all ready early, I was feeling better about the day and then the toilet overflowed, A LOT.  A, also known as Captain Obvious, stood in the bathroom watching it happen and said simply "there's water coming from the toilet."  3,000 towels, 2 inches of standing toilet water, a waterfall down the stairs to the kitchen and a frantic call from the landladies because they have water coming from the ceiling later....I'm a wreck.  My nerves are shot, my patience gone and the tears spring to my eyes at the mere mention of another 12 hours in my day.  All this and I hadn't even left the house yet.  I sopped up all the water and threw the wet towels into the bathtub and managed to get A to school on time, Ri to speech a few mins. late and Sadie to work.  What I really wanted to do was hop in my car and drive.....just drive until I ended up somewhere far from home, far from toilet water soaked towels and a floor needing to be bleached.

I keep trying to get in a better frame of mind but frankly it's not working.  Thinking positively only gets me so far.  Somehow every time I have to load the washer with more nasty towels my positivity fades.  There's always tomorrow right? 

Monday, January 30, 2012

Grown Up Friendships

It's hard to make friends when you are a grown up. I mean real friends. Sure there are lots of people you like and hang out with on the playground at preschool or at soccer games but how many friends are the kind you can depend on? Late this summer my best friend (friends from high school) and I had a fight. We had different visions of what our friendship was and what we wanted from it (I believe I was told I was too needy) and we went our separate ways. In the process of explaining to her how I felt things didn't come out how I meant and her feelings got hurt and she fired back in a big way and my feelings were crushed. We weren't speaking but were still FB "friends" until my kids and I didn't even get an invite to her son's bday party. Her kids have always been like family to me and I considered them my nieces and nephews. So, after hearing about the birthday on FB I couldn't handle the hurt anymore and I deleted her. We haven't spoken in 5 months and it's actually been a good thing for me. I'm glad I stood up for myself and did what I needed to do. (of course, there are 2 sides to every story and I am sure she has her own and that's fine)

I began broadening my friendship horizons and started getting closer with another preschool mom, Jess. For whatever reason we just kind of click. We can hang out and gossip and chit chat but we can also hang out and not say much and it's not awkward. It's nice. Right now I'd say she's the closest thing I have to a best friend.

A little over 6 months ago Jessica's best friend Karolina died, suddenly, of a brain aneurysm. I hear about Karolina a lot, she must have been an amazing person and friend. I worry I will never be as good a friend and Jess deserves it. Ever since Karolina's death Jess has wanted an MRI. She and Karolina used to both get headaches and after the aneurysm Jess needed peace of mind that she didn't have one too. It took a while for her to convince her doctor and in the end it took her husband Eric going in and getting her a referral to a neurologist. I love that he took care of her like that. So, recently she had an MRI. It was supposed to be quick, no contrast and then they pulled her out and said they had just spoken with her doctor and she now wanted contrast. The next day Jess found out she has a brain tumor. All I could think was WTF?? What are the odds that she was going in to rule out an aneurysm and would instead find out she had a tumor. Everything since then has been a bit of a blur. She's having surgery this Friday to have it removed. They are unsure of so many things and her recovery is really based on what happens Friday. It could be really fast and easy or it could be long and painful. At any rate, I'm scared. I'm scared for what she has to go through and all the things she's scared about. Most of all though I'm scared that I am going to lose my friend. I don't mean that I think she will die but that this will change her. I've googled all I can google and that's one of the things that keeps coming up. Personality changes, mood changes......sigh. I just want her to be her and to not have to go through this. It seems like too much for someone who's already been through so much this year. So keep her in your thoughts please, she needs all the positive thinking she can get.

More on Jess:

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I've been MIA

I was so excited in that last post for the boys to be going back to school. After a busy summer trying to keep them entertained I was ready for a little peace and quiet. Has anyone seen my peace and quiet?

I cannot believe how busy our lives are. Riley has preschool 3 times a week for a few hours and speech the other 2 days plus a therapy appointment. Aiden has school every day and once a week while Ri is at school I volunteer in his classroom. One day a week after school he has a therapy appt and one night a week he has basketball practice. Saturday mornings find us at Aiden's basketball games and Saturday afternoons are usually spent visiting grandparents or having playdates, etc. I'm not sure where working parents find the time for all of this. At this point it's nearly impossible for me to get a regular job, there's just no time unless you count nights.

A lot of people have been asking lately why I don't work. We obviously need the income. Mostly I think that it's no one's business but part of me wants to explain because I don't think they get it. My partner in life is blind. It adds this completely different element to our relationship. For the most part she's wonderfully independent. She works full time, has arranged rides to and from work most days, and though she complains, I also think she's proud to support her family. Now that said there are just things she can't do. She can't pick the kids up from school if they are sick, can't take them to doctors appointments, and can't go in to work late or leave early if I need her to. All of those things make me getting a regular job really difficult. Could we do it? Yes. Would it be worth the little money that was left after having to pay for child care for Ri and before and after school for A? No. So until it's easier I stay home and I really do love it. I'm exhausted and sometimes bored with almost 5 year old and 7.5 year old humor but I wouldn't trade it.

So that's where I've been......here, there and everywhere multiple times a day :)