Selective Hearing

The selective hearing in my house could win awards.  Now, I know I am inevitably going to hear from women who will gush on and on about how if I were married to a man I would really know about selective hearing.  For whatever reason, men seem to take the cake on this particular trait.  So, let me pre-empt that but telling you all that Sadie is really a dude.  No, not like pre or post op dude but she acts more like a guy than a couple of my friends husbands (those with well dressed husbands and color coordinated closets know who you are).  Sadie believes me when I say I am "fine", forgets holidays, believes me when I say we aren't going to exchange gifts at Xmas or for our anniversary and feigns surprise when I get her something, and has selective hearing which when you combine with the blind thing makes for a really great Helen Keller joke.  Mostly though, I refer to my boys.  I often find myself speaking to walls, floors, ceilings, and many other inanimate objects because the animate ones aren't listening.  I get that they are kids and often caught up in play but the thing that really gets me is when they ask me a question and then don't listen to the answer and say "what?"  or ask it again. " Momma's gonna lose her shiz-nit honey" is what I want to say as I sometimes not so patiently try again.  There are also the times when you ask them something or tell them to do something and they say "what?" I repeat and they repeat "what?" I say it a third time through gritted teeth omitting f*ck from in between each word which is now how I hear it in my head.  And again, I hear "what?"  This is when all bets are off and momma turns into a crazy lady.  Sometimes I just scream because I figure a guttural scream is better than the slew of profanities I really want to sling in their direction.  I've learned to employ a few tricks of the trade like making them stop what they are doing and look me in the eye, or stand right in front of them while talking but these only work about 30% of the time.  So what do I do?  I beat my fists in the air while I scream and throw a little hissy fit to let off steam, I stick my head in the freezer to cool off (a trick I learned shortly after giving birth to A)  and I bitch to friends because the same thing happens to them too and then I don't feel so alone.