Grown Up Friendships

It's hard to make friends when you are a grown up. I mean real friends. Sure there are lots of people you like and hang out with on the playground at preschool or at soccer games but how many friends are the kind you can depend on? Late this summer my best friend (friends from high school) and I had a fight. We had different visions of what our friendship was and what we wanted from it (I believe I was told I was too needy) and we went our separate ways. In the process of explaining to her how I felt things didn't come out how I meant and her feelings got hurt and she fired back in a big way and my feelings were crushed. We weren't speaking but were still FB "friends" until my kids and I didn't even get an invite to her son's bday party. Her kids have always been like family to me and I considered them my nieces and nephews. So, after hearing about the birthday on FB I couldn't handle the hurt anymore and I deleted her. We haven't spoken in 5 months and it's actually been a good thing for me. I'm glad I stood up for myself and did what I needed to do. (of course, there are 2 sides to every story and I am sure she has her own and that's fine)

I began broadening my friendship horizons and started getting closer with another preschool mom, Jess. For whatever reason we just kind of click. We can hang out and gossip and chit chat but we can also hang out and not say much and it's not awkward. It's nice. Right now I'd say she's the closest thing I have to a best friend.

A little over 6 months ago Jessica's best friend Karolina died, suddenly, of a brain aneurysm. I hear about Karolina a lot, she must have been an amazing person and friend. I worry I will never be as good a friend and Jess deserves it. Ever since Karolina's death Jess has wanted an MRI. She and Karolina used to both get headaches and after the aneurysm Jess needed peace of mind that she didn't have one too. It took a while for her to convince her doctor and in the end it took her husband Eric going in and getting her a referral to a neurologist. I love that he took care of her like that. So, recently she had an MRI. It was supposed to be quick, no contrast and then they pulled her out and said they had just spoken with her doctor and she now wanted contrast. The next day Jess found out she has a brain tumor. All I could think was WTF?? What are the odds that she was going in to rule out an aneurysm and would instead find out she had a tumor. Everything since then has been a bit of a blur. She's having surgery this Friday to have it removed. They are unsure of so many things and her recovery is really based on what happens Friday. It could be really fast and easy or it could be long and painful. At any rate, I'm scared. I'm scared for what she has to go through and all the things she's scared about. Most of all though I'm scared that I am going to lose my friend. I don't mean that I think she will die but that this will change her. I've googled all I can google and that's one of the things that keeps coming up. Personality changes, mood changes......sigh. I just want her to be her and to not have to go through this. It seems like too much for someone who's already been through so much this year. So keep her in your thoughts please, she needs all the positive thinking she can get.

More on Jess:
http://www.jheath.blog.com/

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